Forgiving for Profit?

If you could turn all the upset, challenge and trouble in your life or business into profit, how much richer would you be?  Or, better yet, if you knew you that you could turn these things into an instant A.T.M., would you ever avoid them again?  Of course you wouldn't.  You'd plug in and profit!

If getting excited about your challenges, troubles and upset seems counter-intuitive to you, it's because it is.  Your brain is hardwired to avoid these things.  Specifically, I'm referring to the limbic region of the brain.  This center controls our emotional and instinctual drives like feeding, fighting, fleeing and sexual behavior ...and there's more.

According to Paul MacLean, the former director of the Brain Evolution and Behavior Laboratory in Poolesville, Maryland, our skull holds not one brain, but three.  Each brain, suggests MacLean, is stacked one on top of the other like an interconnected, evolutionary computer and has its own special intelligence, its own subjectivity, its own sense of time and space and its own memory.  These brains, in order of oldest to newest, are the reptilian brain, the limbic system and the neo-cortex.

The reptilian brain, the oldest of these structures, is the same brain we find in snakes and reptiles today.  This brain is said to be rigid, obsessive, compulsive, ritualistic and paranoid.  It's also the brain filled with our ancestral memories and conditioning, and it keeps repeating the same errors over and over again ...never learning from past mistakes. 

The limbic system is concerned with emotions and instincts: like feeding, fighting, fleeing and sexual behavior.  MacLean notes that this brain finds everything, "...either agreeable or disagreeable."  Survival, according to the thinking of the limbic system, depends upon avoiding pain and embracing pleasure.  He goes on to state that, "...this lowly mammalian brain tends to be the seat of our value judgments, instead of the more advanced neo-cortex.

The last member of this triune system, the neo-cortex, is the seat of higher intelligence.  MacLean calls this biological marvel, "...the mother of invention and the father of abstract thought."  It is this latest and greatest addition, working in concert with the intelligence of the heart, that allows us to transcend the thinking of our ancient past, rise to new levels of conscious awareness and break free from past limitations.  In other words, the neo-cortex is a profit center!

So how does one learn to tap into this profit center and begin withdrawing the ingenious, innovative and highly creative thoughts found there?  That process is called, forgiveness.  Contrary to popular opinion, forgiveness has nothing to do with letting others off the hook.  Yes, it's a spiritual practice.  Yes, it leads to peace of mind.  And yes, it heals the troubles of the world.  Most importantly, however, it unlocks a storehouse of inner resources and creativity so vast that it will literally transform your challenges and upset into profit, often immediately! 

Unlocking this inner storehouse is actually a pretty simple process that involves the following six-steps:

1.      Tell the story

2.      Feel the feelings

3.      Collapse the story

4.      Identify your judgments, demands and expectations

5.      Turn your thoughts around

6.      Restore the mind to peace

In all, it takes about a day to gain a thorough understanding of each of these steps. Once learned and applied, however, forgiveness will pay you dividends for a lifetime.  For example, just the other morning, I received news from a business partner that initially upset me.  We had recently committed to working on a project together that would require our full-time focus and attention.  On this morning, however, she informed me that other issues had arisen which would pull her away. 

My internal reaction to the news was one of upset, irritation and discomfort; however, my external reaction was fairly subdued.  That's not because I'm a saint; it's because years of practicing forgiveness has taught me that my emotional response hid a deeper meaning ...it had something to teach me.  That practice also informed me that both of us would be better served if I found out what that hidden meaning was, before I responded to the news with any sort of vigor.  I utilized the following six-steps to gain that understanding.

Step one, tell the story; as soon as time permitted, I paused for a moment in order to notice the story I was telling myself.  "I've been betrayed," I thought, "She's not committed.  I'm not being supported.  She's letting me down." 

Step two, feel the feelings; because of this I feel upset, angry, hurt, betrayed, surprised and let down.

Step three, collapse the story; I realize that it's never people, places, things, situations or conditions that upset me; rather, it's my thoughts about them that do. 

Step four, identify my judgments, demands and expectations; My thoughts are revealed in my judgments, demands and expectations.  In this case, those read: She's not committed ...I'm being abandoned ...She's letting me down ...I want her to be as committed as I am ...I expect her to give the same level of commitment as I do. 

Step five, turn the thoughts around; When I turned the thoughts around they read as follows:

1.      She is committed.

2.      I'm not committed.

3.      I am committed.

4.      She shouldn't commit.

5.      I shouldn't commit.

In particular, the statement that resonated the strongest within me, the one that provided the deepest insight and understanding, was the one that read, ‘I am committed.'  What this insight revealed was this.  I was committed to the endeavor with all my heart.  I was willing to invest all my time, energy and effort to see it succeed.  Compared to that, her level of commitment was considerably less.  She, in fact, had other priorities that would preclude her from committing at such a deep level.  This didn't reflect negatively upon her; it simply revealed the truth of the situation.  She had other interests and priorities, and quite likely, both of us would be better served if she embarked on a path that allowed her full expression.

In light of this, I made the decision to transform our relationship.  We haven't had this conversation yet, so I don't know what that new working relationship will look like, but it won't be as full-fledged partners.  I'm not willing to give up an equal ownership stake in the company that I've invested so much into, unless the partner I bring aboard is as invested as I am.  That's not fair to me nor would it lend itself to a healthy working relationship ...especially in the long run.  Anger and resentment would build up and eventually lead to a divorce.  And, as anyone who has gone through a divorce knows, those can be expensive!  It was much better that I realized this now before any legal commitments had been made.

These are the kinds of insights that the process of forgiveness leads to.  Besides deepening our peace of mind and helping us to grow as individuals; forgiveness expands our vision in order to see situations from a larger point of view.  That, in fact, is what makes forgiveness such a profitable practice.  It's profitable because ...you can't solve challenges by focusing on them.  You solve challenges, and profit from them, by shifting perspectives and expanding your view.  This, in fact, is what forgiveness does.  It invites new ideas, insights and understandings to enter your mind, inform your thinking, influence your decision-making and impact your actions.  That's how you profit from forgiveness.   

Bob Bloom is the author of Taming the Tiger of Emotion: Learning to Turn Your Upset Into Insight and Your Values Into Gold.  To find out more please visit http://www.tamingthetiger.us/ or e-mail Bob Bloom at info@TamingTheTiger.us