The Crap Man

Is there a relationship in your life that's just not working, and you don't know why? Maybe you've even talked with this person about the challenges you're having, but nothing seems to change. Does that sound familiar? If it does, it might be because you're going to the crap man and asking for diamonds ...just like Sherry did.

Sherry is a friend of mine that works in public relations, and is good at her job. She loves working with holistic, healing arts practitioners, and has been doing that for quite some time. But, she says, it's been challenging to find a place where she feels appreciated and supported for her efforts. She gives a lot of herself, no matter where she goes, and would like appreciation and support in return. Quite frankly, I don't blame her; I think we all want to feel that way.

Last week, as fate would have it, we reconnected by phone and shared our respective stories. I'd become a grandfather, she'd been dating someone new and had changed jobs, but she said, "I found the same old kind of boss!" That's when I began to chuckle.

"Are you wanting that to change," I asked?

"Yes," she responded, "It's getting really old."

"Then, maybe you should stop asking the crap man for diamonds."

"What...? " She shrieked back at me."

I replied, "The source of your unhappiness has nothing to do with your boss. It's your unmet demands that are causing you discomfort. Your unhappiness is the result of your wanting another human being to give you something that they either can't, won't or don't have the capacity to give. In this case, you want appreciation and support from your boss. You've asked him for it. You've even made suggestions; but what you want isn't forthcoming, is it?"

"No," she replied, somewhat frustrated.

"So there's something you think you want that you're not getting. Is that right?"

"Yeah, there's something I think I want that I'm not getting," she said, mimicking me.

That's when I told her the story of the crap man.

"Sherry," I began, "Imagine you wanted to make some beautiful jewelry and had heard about a magical little warehouse where you could get supplies. They have everything, people say. It's amazing. You can get anything that you want! But be careful, once inside it seems to get a little crazy.

Curious and intrigued, you head down to the shop to take a look around. Then, looking inside, you can't believe your eyes. There are all kinds of people milling about. Vendors line every little nook and cranny in the joint. Each of them, it seems, is carrying a little golden bucket with an endless supply of goods. Eagerly, you grab a little tote bag off a hook and take a step inside.

Once inside, however, the clarity of your vision dims a bit. It's like a fog of forgetfulness has penetrated your mind. You still see all the vendors and their buckets, but your vision narrows down to just one solitary man, with a slight build and a huge smile. Going over to him, you tell him you want to make some jewelry and are looking for supplies. The man gives a little nod and waves for you to open up your tote.

Reaching into his golden bucket with a little ladle, the man scoops out a trowel full of still steaming manure and dumps it in your bag. In horror, you recoil hastily and give the man a look. Unperturbed, he simply smiles in return.

Hmmm, you think, perhaps I'll ask the man again, which you do, albeit a bit cautiously. Still smiling, the funny little man reaches back into his bucket and, to your dismay, spoons out more of the same. ‘Excuse me,' you belch out, ‘I asked for materials for making jewelry, sir ...not a handful of crap!'

Undaunted and without thinking, you demand your needs be met. Yet again, and still smiling, he fills your tote a little further. Now your emotions really get the best of you and, turning on your heels, you head towards the door swearing never to return!

In your car and heading home, however, the fog begins to lift and a heavy sigh leaves your lips. Then it dawns on you. Not once did you ever explore looking around patiently and seeing what else was there. You went to one person, made demands they could not possibly fulfill, and then left in a huff when your needs went unmet. The crap man, you realize, was only giving what he had to give.

The moral of this story is, of course, quite simple ...a person can only give you what they have to give. The crap man, for example, only has crap, the diamond man, diamonds and the soup man, soup. This is what is so. If you desire to eat ...see the soup man. If you desire fertilizer for your garden ...see the crap man. And if your goal is gems for jewelry ...see the diamond man for help. Each gift has value ...but only in relation to what it is you seek.

In Sherry's case, her boss, being a difficult man, was unable or unwilling to provide her with support or appreciation; but he was giving her something else of equal value. He was giving her the opportunity to learn to relate to difficult people. And who knows, maybe, this is exactly what she needs. Down the road this skill might be vital to her success.

You see, as human beings we all have a vital role, or mission, to fulfill. Many of us, however, have forgotten the reason for our soul's journey. We believe it's one thing, but Life knows better ...and offers situations that give us an opportunity to learn and grow.

After all, "...There are only two kinds of experiences in life, those that are easily enjoyed and those that give us an opportunity to learn and grow."

Live Well,
Bob Bloom
http://www.tamingthetiger.us/
http://www.thinkvalues.org/