Increase Happiness Decrease Stress

One of the most powerful practices you can employ to increase happiness and decrease stress is to give up the idea that you actually need something.

Every human being has a list of demands they want met. We want food, shelter, clothing, security, variety, peace, happiness and meaning ...to name a few. Unbeknownst to most, however, is the level of attachment they place on having these things. For example, some demands are held as preferences; while others are held as wants, desires, inclinations, leanings, wishes, cravings, etc. Last, but certainly not least, are the attachments held at the level of need.

Attachments, held at the level of need, are happiness killers and stress builders. That's because when you invest in the belief that you need something, you automatically set up an expectation that cannot be realized.

For example, if I believe that I need security, no level of security will satisfy that demand. I can install alarms on my house and car, hire security guards and lock the doors and windows, but internally I'll still feel like I need more. The same is true if I believe I need more money, more love, more understanding or more of anything! My investing in the belief automatically creates a bottomless pit of need that can never be satisfied.

The reason for this is simple. When we invest in the belief that we need something, mentally and emotionally it becomes a life or death issue. Of course, this is not the reality, but that's the psychological impact.

Without going into a long, dreary, and most likely, useless explanation, put the following practice to work in your life and test it for yourself. See if it doesn't lower your stress levels and increase your happiness quotient. There are three steps in this process.

First, the next time you feel upset, discouraged, angry or depressed ...stop, pause for a moment, and ask yourself the following question... what need of mine is not being met?

Secondly, once you have identified the need, hold it in mind and inquire ...is that really true? Do I really need it? Will I die, right now, if I don't have it? (I'm talking actual death here folks. And, I mean right now! Not in ten minutes or two days, but right now.)

There's only two possible answers to this question ...yes or no. If the answer is yes, I'll see you in the next life and you can tell me how stupid my advice is. On the other hand, if the answer is no, then you really don't need it, do you? Yes, you probably want it, or desire it or prefer it, but you don't really need it! So why not admit that to yourself?

If you need a little extra help disengaging from the needy thought, aim the following two questions it.

• How does holding onto this thought make me feel?
• How would I feel if I let go of this thought?

In every case, the answer to the first question is ...it makes me feel bad. The answer to the second question will always be ...it would make me feel better.

Lastly, armed with this understanding, take step three. Quietly remind yourself that you give up this particular need. Simply declare ...I give up my need for (fill in the blank.)

Try this the next time you get upset with your mate, the kids, your boss or anyone else, and see what results. If you authentically inquire and give up the needy thought, you'll discover your stress levels going down and your happiness quotient going up.

Sounds simple, which it is, but it's also extremely effective!

Live well,

Bob Bloom
"There are only two kinds of experieces in life ...those that are easily enjoyed ...and those that offer us an opportunity to learn and grow."