Forgiveness is a process for letting go of the hurt and pain of the past in order to live fully in the present moment.  In other words, forgiveness assists us in stripping away our unwanted stories, so that we can experience our true magnificence and know ourselves as whole and complete, connected to our source and one with all of life. 

My heart and mind haven't always been at peace; in fact, far from it.  I spent many, many years in needless suffering and pain.  I neither understood the world, nor my place in it.  I felt lost, alone and depressed.  Life didn't make any sense.  Why, I thought, would creatures who spoke so highly of peace and love create a world filled with such violence and hatred.  That made absolutely no sense to me, and left me feeling dark, confused, depressed and angry.

Then one day, I began to learn how to let go of the hurt and pain that gripped my heart and mind, and suddenly life began to make more sense.  Slowly at first, but then faster and faster, I released myself from the burden of the past, and awoke feeling free and at peace.  Initially, this wasn't a permanent state, but it was a beginning.  Like the caterpillar to the butterfly, I was beginning to transform.

In addition to bringing my heart and mind to peace, forgiveness also led me to a profound and surprising realization.  I discovered that the true nature of our individuating minds is actually very childlike.  Before we overlay our stories, this aspect of Mind is quite sweet, innocent, naïve and very, very curious.  Seeing this was transformative.  It reminded me of the experience I had when my own children were born.  I couldn't help but fall in love.  This time, however, I was falling in love with my own sweet innocence ...and yours.    

After coming to this realization, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the trouble we find ourselves in today doesn't arise out of a hateful nature; it arises out of our hurtful and painful history, which we pass from generation to generation.  But how did this history begin?  How does something so magnificently beautiful come to see itself as so dim and ugly? 

To understand this, you have to consider the nature of our mind before we adopt our stories.  As I mentioned previously, our individuating minds are sweet, innocent, naïve, childlike and very, very curious.  This aspect of Mind loves to identify with forms of all kind.  These forms include: thought forms, emotional forms and physical forms.  Once a form captures the attention of our individuating mind, the mind identifies with that form, and we begin to experience ourselves as that form. 

In most cases, playing in the world of form and phenomena has been a safe and joyful passage.  There was a time when we were connected to our heart, our oneness, and knew ourselves as safe and secure, without need or fear.  That changed, however, when we identified with the thought of separation.  I don't know how this happened, or even why, except to speculate that the idea of being a distinct and separate being intrigued us.  We were curious.

Perhaps, initially, we retained our heart connection to Divine Intelligence, our oneness, our beingness, and played joyfully in these wonderfully differentiated mental, emotional and physical forms.  In time, however, our identification became so complete that we got lost in the illusion.  In other words, we began to believe that we were the form instead of the being.  Unfortunately, apart from our beingness, our minds are quite naïve.  They are clever and powerful, yes; but they are not wise; they think foolish thoughts and commit to foolish things.  Thus, we suffer greatly.  Our suffering, however, is not due to reality; it is due to the story that arose because of our belief in the idea of separation.

If I were to tell the story of separation in one sentence it would read ...I am a separate self, disconnected from my source and separate from all other selves.  This is not true, but as long as we invest our belief in it, we will suffer its effects.  As the story of separation continues it reads  ...because I believe am a separate self, I feel lost, alone, abandoned, betrayed and afraid.  Therefore I have needs and wants.  And, because I believe I am separate from my source, I feel weak, powerless, unloved, unlovable and unsafe.  Therefore, I seek power and love because I need power and love to feel whole.  Lastly, because I believe I am separate from all other selves, I must compete to get what I want.  Thus, need, lack and scarcity become real.  With this, the vicious circle is formed and our descent into pain and suffering begins.  

Humanities story of pain and suffering stretches back eons.  It is, in fact, so deeply ingrained in our history, biology and mind that it seems ludicrous to consider that an end to our suffering is possible.  The truth, however, is that an end is possible ...and forgiveness is the path to that peace. 

The first step towards forgiveness is being willing to let go of the story of pain and suffering that we've been holding on to.  This step, however, seems to present a significant challenge to many people.  They believe, incorrectly, that without a story they'd cease to be.  "Who am I without my story?" they say.  These same people believe that if they're not right, they're wrong.  But that's a misperception as well.  Unfortunately, due to these beliefs, they are more invested in being right than in being happy, insightful or at peace. 

It's a strange phenomenon, actually.  Our fictional-self, the separate-self, the story of pain and suffering, knows it comes to an end when we withdraw our belief in it.  Thus, if we identify with this false self, we believe that its end is our end.  Thinking this, we fight on its behalf even though it's not what we desire.  In our confusion, however, we fight to keep alive the very thing that imprisons us. 

The way out of this vicious cycle is simple enough; it's just not always easy.  The way out is simply to give up the need to be right ...about anything.  Remember, the primary life sucking force of this false self is convincing you of the need to be right.  That's because for as long as you choose to be right about your story, you validate, energize and perpetuate it.  Therefore, the false self survives.  Thus, to the degree that you defend your rightness, you increase the power that pain and suffering has over you.  And, not coincidently, the stronger the false self gets, the more important being right will be to you. 

But is being right worth it?  What do you get out of being right ...a temporary feeling of superiority ...of being better than ...of rightness?  And what is the cost ...besides your peace and happiness?       

It costs you everything, that's what it costs.  To believe that you are this limited, suffering, creature is so far removed from the truth of your being that it's simply ludicrous.  The false self will die; you never will.  The false self is weak and powerless; it is a picture of suffering, agony and death.  You only experience these things when you identify with it.  Conversely, the truth of your being moves with the power and certainty of the heavens; it is rooted in eternal love and life.  Thus, the cost of being right is losing touch with your true nature and the reality that supports it.  Are you really willing to pay this price?

On the other hand, the price of your freedom is giving up the need to be right ...about yourself ...your story ...your opinions ...beliefs ...and certainties.  You must be willing to be wrong about everything.  This, of course, doesn't mean that you are wrong; it simply means that you're willing to open up to a larger truth.

The reality is that your head doesn't know what is true.  It has thoughts, opinions, beliefs and convictions; but it can't know anything for certain.  Of course, there are some facts we can state for certain.  For example, I went to the grocery store yesterday.  That's a fact.  I even know the reason why I went to the store.  I went to buy some food  ...but that doesn't mean that buying food was the purpose of my trip.   Yes, that may have been my reason, but life may have had other ideas.   

In the larger scheme of life, I was just one piece of the puzzle among many.  My being on the road changed traffic patterns.  My waiting in a grocery line changed the timing of others.  My words to the clerk might have changed her disposition?  Perhaps she made different choices when she went home.  I don't know what effects my decision had on the rest of life, anymore than I know how the events of today are going to unfold.  I have my opinions, but that is all.  Opinions, however, are not facts.  They are simply ideas ...and none of us has such an overarching perspective as to be infallible.  Thus, adopting the attitude that you don't know anything, for sure, creates the space in your heart and mind that allows forgiveness to do its work.

Once you've adopted an attitude of open-ness and willingness, forgiveness entails a simple six-step process that invites clarity and peace to replace the confusion and upset in your life.  The cornerstone of this process is coming to the realization that it's never people, places, things, situations or conditions that upset you; rather, it's your stories about them that do.  Thus, what forgiveness really does is to assist you in dismantling your stories of pain and suffering, so that you might view the situation or condition from a new and larger perspective. 

The six-steps in the forgiveness process include:

1. Tell the story
2. Feel the feelings
3. Collapse the story
4. Turn the story around
5. Create a reminder
6. Restore the heart and mind to peace

The first step is to tell the story, not from the perspective of the mature adult, but from the viewpoint of the wounded child.  To tell the story, simply grab a pen and put your story down on paper.  Let your feelings out.  Tell your side of the story, and your side only.  The biggest challenge people run into during this step is feeling free and open enough to let the story emerge.  They've kept it contained in the belief that it somehow keeps them safe and secure, or in power, but it doesn't.  It just keeps the story hidden, and in place.  In this step, you want to bring the story to light.

Step two is to feel the feelings.  Now that you've told your story, notice how it makes you feel.  Some examples might include: upset, angry, powerless, frustrated, confused, worried, anxious, stupid, lost, stuck, numb, irritated and lonely.  After recording your story: tune in, notice what you're feeling and jot those feelings down on a second sheet of paper. 

Once that's accomplished, we move on to step three, the cornerstone of forgiveness.  Remember, the cornerstone of forgiveness is coming to the realization that it's never people, places, things, situations or conditions that upset us, it's the stories we buy into about them that do.  Thus, when we withdraw our attachment to the stories, we effectively release ourselves from the pain and upset that they cause.   

All emotional upset is the result of one of two things:

1.       Painful judgments on our part

2.       Unmet demands or expectations

In step three, you're going to notice the judgments, demands and expectations you have of the current situation and record them on a third sheet of paper.  Judgements all begin with... he is, she is, I am, etc.  A judgment is a label about the way something is.  Demands all read... I want.  Lastly, expectations all read... it should, I should, he should or she should.  Our expectations detail what we believe the situation should be.

As an example, a judgment might read ...John is totally inconsiderate ...John is mean and vicious, or ...John is thoughtless.   A demand might read ...I want to be treated with respect ...I want John to be more thoughtful, or ...I want John to be nicer.  And the expectations might read ...John should treat me with respect ...John should be nicer, or ...John should be more thoughtful.    

Going back to our cornerstone, however, the truth of the matter is that it's never people, places, things, situations or conditions that upset us; it's our thoughts about them that do.  Unfortunately, if we blame our emotions on someone or something else, we lose the ability to do anything about it.  In effect, we give someone or something else control over our mental and emotional well being.  Conversely, as soon as we accept responsibility (not blame or guilt, but response-ability) for our thoughts, we are empowered to do something about them.   

To bring this lesson home, you're going to hold your judgments, demands and expectations up to the light of the following five questions:

1.       Is it true?

2.       Can I absolutely, positively know that this is true?

3.       How do I feel when I have this thought?

4.       How would I feel if I let go of this thought?

5.       Can I think of one good reason for not letting this thought go, right now?

For example, you judged John to be mean, vicious, thoughtless and inconsiderate.  These are your thoughts, or opinions.  The first question you'll ask is ...is it true?  

What you'll usually notice when you first ask this question, especially when strong emotions are involved, is that you'll have a powerful impulse to answer ...yes!  This is your ego wanting to be right.  The ego is arrogant, self-centered and self-righteous.  Thus, this question will provoke it.  Your job is simply to notice this.     

The second question asks you to surrender your arrogance and the need to be right.  In effect, you are admitting that you don't have all the answers.  That's not too hard, is it?  You don't have all the answers, do you?  You just have your own version, or opinion, of the situation. 

The third question asks you to notice how you feel when you hold onto this thought.  Your intent, in this step, is to notice that it's the thought that is causing you the pain, not the person, place, situation, condition or thing that you'd previously blamed it on. 

The fourth question asks you to admit how you'd feel if you let go of the thought.  In every case, the answer will be ...I'd be okay ...I'd feel fine ...I'd be at peace ...I'd be happy.  The reason that we answer this way is because that's our natural state before we overlay our stories.  

Lastly, you'll ask yourself if you can think of one good reason for holding onto this thought any longer.  If you can, write down that answer and begin challenging it.  Is that really a good reason?  Is it worth the pain I'm feeling?  Is it worth the headache and heartache?  Keep challenging that answer in the same way that you've challenged each of your original demands, judgments and expectations.  Use the five-questions.  The reality is that painful stories only have value if pain is what you desire.

Step four asks you to turn your thoughts and opinions around and consider if they might not be just as true, or even truer about you or the situation.  The purpose of this step isn't to shift the burden of blame, guilt or shame; it's to see a deeper truth.  That truth is that everything you see and feel in the world around you is a reflection of your own inner state.  If you're holding onto painful beliefs (thoughts), the world will reflect those back to you, and you will experience pain.  The turnaround is how you bring these misperceptions to light ...and heal them.          

In the ‘turnaround', you're going to level the judgments, demands and expectations that you've leveled at something outside yourself, and see if it isn't just as true or truer about you.  You will not, however, give into the temptation towards self-condemnation, whereby you shift the blame, guilt or shame onto yourself.  The turn-around, by the way, is not a thinking exercise; it's a feeling exercise.  Let your heart sense the level of truth in the statements, and allow it to report.  Your goal, or intent, is to see and/or feel the truth, or the healing opportunity, that the situation presents.  That's all you have to be willing to do.  "The truth will set you free."   

The more adept you get at turning your thoughts around, the more you'll begin to learn, grow and profit from challenging and upsetting situations.  You'll also learn to be less hasty in your reactions to life, because you'll know, full well, that you're just reacting to your own thoughts.  In addition, instead of resisting and running away from upset and challenge, you'll be emboldened to face it head on.  In other words, you'll stop running from life and truly begin to embrace it, because you'll realize that there are only two kinds of experiences in life..  those that are easily enjoyed... and those that offer you an opportunity to learn and grow.

When we turn around the judgments, demands and expectations of John, for example, they might read as follows: 

‘John is totally inconsiderate...' could be turned around to read ...I am inconsiderate ...John isn't inconsiderate, etc. 

‘I want to be treated with respect...' could be turned around to read ...I don't want to be treated with respect ...I am treated with respect ...I don't need respect, etc.

‘John should treat me with respect...' could be turned around to read ...John shouldn't treat me with respect ...I shouldn't treat John with respect ...I don't treat John with respect ...I don't treat myself with respect, etc.

Typically, during the turnaround phase, one or two of the turnarounds will spark a profound knowing, or realization, within you.  In the example using John, that might be ...I don't treat myself with respect and ...I don't need respect from others.  These would certainly be profound realizations if they were true for anyone.  

Having realized this, you'd move onto the next step in the process in which you create a ‘reminder'.  Reminders are simple statements that assist us in remembering the lesson we've just learned.  They are formatted as follows...

In the past I may have believed that (fill in the blank), but that's no longer true.  I now realize that (Fill in the blank).  Our current example would read, "In the past I may have believed that I required respect from other people, but that's no longer true.  I now realize that the person who needs to respect me is me." 

The purpose of the second half of the reminder statement, is to remind us to connect with the intelligence of the heart in order to tune into its wisdom and guidance.  If you'll notice, what you've really done as you've moved through the forgiveness process is to heal a misperception by bringing it to clarity.  In the example we've been using, the misperception that caused the pain in the first place was that someone was demanding that John give them respect.  In other words, someone believed that they lacked respect.  When they turned the demand around, they realized that all they had to do to gain respect was to turn within and develop a healthy dose of self-respect.  That, in turn, would heal the appearance of an outer lack of respect.  Thus, this person never lacked anything, what they required was already within them.

Here's the reality.  If there is a quality or trait that you require to fulfill either your life purpose or your heart's desires, that quality, value or trait already exists within you.  It may not have matured into your experience as of yet, but it is available at your request.  Simply tune into your heart and call it forth.  You may not consciously know how to manifest something into your life, but your heart does.  Your heart knows!   

For those who have established a regular intuitive or meditative practice, tuning into the heart, in order to hear, see or feel its wisdom and guidance, is relatively easy.  For those who haven't, it may prove more difficult, but certainly not impossible.  In short, you simply center yourself in calmness and bring your attentive awareness to the area of your heart.  There, you ask your heart, your inner knowing, to bring the desired quality or trait into the present moment so that you can know and feel its presence.  Then, quietly observe what arises within you and begin to develop a relationship with it, just as you would with a person you were meeting for the first time.  Your goal, or intent, is to connect with that quality, or value, and let it guide you in its manifestation.  Like I mentioned before, you may not consciously know how to manifest this quality or value, but the heart knows, so let it guide you.  For example, while heart-connecting with the quality of respect (as was our previous example), you might inquire: Respect, how would you manifest yourself into my life in this moment right now ...Respect, what would you make this day about ...Respect, how would you respond to this situation ...or, Respect, what choice would you make in this situation?  If this sounds confusing to you, don't worry, it's a relatively easy form of inquiry to learn.  It is taught as part the The Alchemy Process^TM.  For those interested, you can find out more at http://www.thealchemyprocess.com/

Thus, the last part of your reminder statement always turns to the heart in some way for guidance and wisdom.  In the example we've been using, that might read ...whenever I think I lack respect, I simply tune into the respect already present within me and invite it to manifest in my life.  In whole, the reminder would read... "In the past I may have believed that I required respect from other people, but that's no longer true.  I now realize that the person who needs to respect me, is me. Whenever I think I lack respect, I simply tune into the respect already present within me and invite it to manifest in my life."  Once you've completed your reminder simply, post it in a place where you will see it often.  This helps to  prevent the old story from reemerging in  yourpresent experience. 

The more adept you become at The Alchemy Process^TM, the more adept you'll become at manifesting the qualities and values you desire in your life.  Your heart knows all.  It is your direct connection to oneness and the wisdom of all of creation. 

The last step in the forgiveness process is to restore your heart and mind to peace.  I suggest three or four exercises to accomplish this task including: exercises in NLP, tap therapy and imagery work.  All of these are very effective in erasing the inner images, vibrations and memories of pain and suffering.  These are also covered in depth during The Alchemy Process^TM weekend retreats.

While all this may seem cumbersone and challenging at first, it quickly collapses into a new way of looking at the world and ceases to be a process.  Instead, it becomes a way of being that anchors the heart and mind in peace and understanding. 

Live well,

Bob Bloom

http://www.tamingthetiger.us/

http://www.thealchemyprocess.com/

602-410-5213

info@TamingTheTiger.us 

Incredible, wildly, fantastic growth and insight!  Two weeks ago, while lounging around the living room, I was thinking about forgiveness and marveling at how it could solve any personal or spiritual problem that I had.  (I published a book on the subject)  Then, in a moment of inspiration, the thought popped into my head that maybe I was limiting its use; maybe it could solve all my problems.

With that in mind, I put it to the test.  First, I brought to mind a business problem and brought it to forgiveness.  It was solved it in less than fifteen minutes.  Then, I turned to the person in the room with me and asked if she had any problems she would like resolved.  Thirty minutes later, we solved her problem as well.  Next, I took this process out and began offering it to anyone who had a problem to solve.  That included business owners, publishers, a ranch owner, an artist, a counselor and several others.  Not surprisingly, as soon as we brought their problems to forgiveness, it solved them all.   

This pattern of learning has, in fact, spawned an incredible process that I'm now writing about and offering to the public.  It called The Alchemy Process^TM, and, from what I've seen so far, it will solve any problem anyone has, typically in less than thirty minutes.  How's that for astounding!  BTW, just prior to coming to this question I uploaded a blog to my site titled Killing Problems.  You might want to check it out.

Lastly, I'd like to test this process out on scientific or scholarly problems.  So, if you're in academia or science, have a problem that you're working on and would like to put this process to the test, please e-mail me. There are a few simple requirements, like you have to be willing to be frank and open, but other than that I look forward to playing!

Is it really possible that one quick and easy process could really solve all the problems in your life, or for that matter, all the problems we face in the world today?  The answer to that question is an emphatic ‘yes', but you'll need a little background in order to understand how that could be true.

The first thing to recognize is that what we commonly refer to as problems aren't really problems at all.  They are situations and conditions.  And please, don't think for a minute that I'm playing some game in semantics here, because I'm definitely not.

Everyday you are presented with numerous situations and conditions.  You label some of these conditions as being good, some neutral and others you label as being bad.  Why is that?

The answer to this question is habit; you've been conditioned to believe that unpleasant conditions or experiences are problems, but they're not.  Challenging situations offer us an opportunity to examine our thinking so we can learn, grow and profit.  Thus, challenging situations are friends not foes, and when you learn to respond to them as such, you will grow and profit.

The biggest obstacle in resolving challenging, or difficult, situations, is overcoming your own ego.  There are, however, only two things you need to remember about that little beast.  The first is that the ego is extremely arrogant.  That is its nature.  The second is that the ego only has one need ...the need to be right.  In other words, the ego would rather be right than happy ...it would rather be right than insightful ...it would rather be right than at peace.  The ego, in fact, would rather be right... more than anything.  To it, being right is a life or death situation. 

The challenge this creates is that when you identify with the ego, you will behave as if this is true for you as well.  Thus, once your ego has decided that something is a problem; you will have an investment in keeping that problem in place.  Luckily, overcoming the ego is quite simple. All you need to do is ...give up your need to be right.

In other words, anytime you notice that you've labeled something as being ‘bad', stop and pause for a moment to reconsider.  Ask yourself if you really want to invest in this problem; or, do you prefer to invest in the solution.  If you choose the latter, simply become willing to be wrong about what you perceive.  This is the first step in overcoming any challenge in your life. 

Once you've decided to give up your need to be right, take a moment and affirm your decision.  I like to employ the following affirmation ...in the past I may have considered this to be a problem, but that's no longer true.  I am now open and willing to see the situation differently.  The reason to affirm your decision is to create an internal shift.  This shift is important because you can't solve a problem by focusing on it.  You solve a problem by shifting perspectives, by changing your mind.  That's why you have to be willing to be wrong about what you're seeing.  If you're not willing to be wrong, you'll never see the situation differently.   

Once you've opened the door to see the situation differently, the next step in solving any problem is to get out a pen and paper and record your story.  Note the way you currently view the situation, and don't be an adult about it. Be childish.  Let your five-year-old tell the story.

As you write the story, no doubt, your emotions regarding the situation will come to the surface.  Let them.  The second step in our problem solving process is to identify the emotions that arise and jot them down.  Next, you'll pause for a moment and really feel the feelings and sensations that arise.  Don't be bashful.  Immerse yourself in the emotion. 

The third step is quite simple, but it's a giant one for most people.  The third step is to acknowledge that ...it's never people, places, things, situations or conditions that bother me; rather, it's my thoughts about them that do.  You can prove this to yourself quite easily by making a list of the judgments, demands and expectations you have of the situation, and then challenging them with the following five questions:

1.      Is it true?

2.      Can I absolutely positively know that this is true?  (You don't have an infallible view of the situation, so you must make room for the possibility that something else could be just as true or truer.). 

3.      How do I feel when I have that thought?

4.      How would I feel if I let go of that thought?

5.      Can I think of one good reason for not letting go of this thought right now?

Once you've challenged your thoughts and decided that they no longer serve you, you'll move on to step five.  In this step, you'll turn your judgments, demands and expectations around and see if they might not be just as true or truer about you.  The purpose of this step isn't to shift the blame, guilt or shame; it's simply to discern the truth of the situation in order to gain wisdom, insight, understanding and clarity

For example, awhile back I was concerned that my work wasn't as profitable as I required it to be.  My story was that it was hard to find clients and customers.  That, in turn, caused me to feel frustrated, uncertain and worried.  When I turned my story around it read ...it's hard for my clients and customers to find me.  That, by the way, was much truer.  As soon as I said it, I knew right away that my problem had nothing to do with finding clients or customers.  What I needed was greater visibility.  Next, I turned my feelings around.  When I did, they read ...my customers are feeling frustrated, uncertain and worried.  Like before, this rang much truer, and it provided additional insight.  It informed me that the people who were looking for me were people that were feeling exactly this way!  Thus, in less than fifteen minutes, the process assisted me to clearly identify not only how I could move my business forward more powerfully, but also who would most benefit from the service.     

Another example of how this process turns upset into insight, involves a property management director I recently spoke with.  Initially, he claimed that he was having a problem because his managers weren't doing their jobs and, as a result, his customers were angry and complaining.  This, he thought, was the problem.  As a result, he felt angry and frustrated.  After taking twenty minutes to move him through The Alchemy Process^TM, however, he clearly saw that ineffective managers and angry customers weren't his problem.  His problem was a lack of clear and easy lines of communication.  In other words, the condition that he was upset about included having angry customers and an ineffective staff, but that wasn't the problem.  The problem was a lack of clear and easy lines of communication between himself, his staff, the owner and his customers.  The solution was to establish clear and easy lines of communication between them all.  In addition, as soon as our property manager saw the situation clearly, as well as the solution to it, he went from feeling frustrated and angry to feeling optimistic and energized.  Thus, the problem was resolved ...or was it?        

Some people will think that the problem isn't resolved until the situation or condition heals, but that's not true.  Webster's dictionary defines a problem as, "...any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty or difficulty."  The truth is, as soon as we clearly identify what needs to be brought to a situation to make it whole, we no longer have doubt, uncertainty or difficulty.  We feel confident, empowered and certain.  Thus, the problem no longer exists, even if the situation or condition lingers for a time as we bring resolution to it.

In reality, the only problem that exists in the world today is that we often misperceive and mislabel the situations and conditions in our life.  In other words, we look at situations and conditions and blame them for our feelings; but they aren't responsible, we are.  Let's face it, who's doing the labeling? 

Unfortunately, as long as we hold onto these misperceptions, those problems will be held in place.  That's because an investment in misperception ...is the problem.  Thus, when we choose to invest in the problem, rather than in the solution, the problem will persist.  The following story is a perfect illustration.   

A friend of mine had been working for five years to settle an insurance dispute that arose when she got into several automobile accidents over a short period of time.  According to her, the problem was that all sides were blaming the other and she was left holding the bag.  This friend is acquainted with my work, so when I asked if she'd be willing to be wrong about that, she knew exactly what I meant and answered, "yes."

Thirty minutes later, after moving her through the process and having a very frank discussion, she realized that this ‘situation' wasn't the problem.  The problem was that she hadn't held anyone accountable.  What the situation called for, she realized, was accountability, so that's what she began to focus on, beginning last week.  Since then, she's settled one claim and there appears to be movement on the other.  All in just one week! 

The reality is that every unwanted situation or condition in our lives can be brought to resolution as soon as we clearly identify the problem.  That's because when the problem is clearly identified, the solution presents itself as well.  In my case, the situation called for greater visibility.  In the property manager's case, the situation called for clear and easy lines of communication.  Lastly, in my friend's case, her situation called for accountability.  In every case, however, one thing remained true; the situation or condition was never the problem.  The problem was a lack of clarity.  Thus, as soon as we brought clarity to the situation, the problems were resolved.

Clarity, in fact, is what The Alchemy Process^TM is all about.  In just six, simple and easy steps, you can view any situation or condition from multiple perspectives and see what's required to resolve it.  This incredibly powerful problem solving process is easy to learn, simple to employ and profoundly useful.  Just imagine, if you could turn all your problems into profit ...how much richer would you be?  Can you think of one good reason for not doing that right now?    

Bob Bloom is the author of Taming The Tiger of Emotion: A Radical Change of Mind and the creator of The Alchemy Process^TM.   He is an enlightened source of insight, understanding, inspiration and creativity who shares what he knows with others so they can fulfill their heart's desires, not in some distant future, but right here and now! 

Never doubt that your children have an abundance of inherent value.  Help them to identify, nurture and cultivate this value.  Then make sure that they know that somwhere in the world these values are needed, necessary and vital.  If you succeed in this your children will know that they are necessary, needed and vital ...and they will know great joy and abundance.     

If you could turn all the upset, challenge and trouble in your life or business into profit, how much richer would you be?  Or, better yet, if you knew you that you could turn these things into an instant A.T.M., would you ever avoid them again?  Of course you wouldn't.  You'd plug in and profit!

If getting excited about your challenges, troubles and upset seems counter-intuitive to you, it's because it is.  Your brain is hardwired to avoid these things.  Specifically, I'm referring to the limbic region of the brain.  This center controls our emotional and instinctual drives like feeding, fighting, fleeing and sexual behavior ...and there's more.

According to Paul MacLean, the former director of the Brain Evolution and Behavior Laboratory in Poolesville, Maryland, our skull holds not one brain, but three.  Each brain, suggests MacLean, is stacked one on top of the other like an interconnected, evolutionary computer and has its own special intelligence, its own subjectivity, its own sense of time and space and its own memory.  These brains, in order of oldest to newest, are the reptilian brain, the limbic system and the neo-cortex.

The reptilian brain, the oldest of these structures, is the same brain we find in snakes and reptiles today.  This brain is said to be rigid, obsessive, compulsive, ritualistic and paranoid.  It's also the brain filled with our ancestral memories and conditioning, and it keeps repeating the same errors over and over again ...never learning from past mistakes. 

The limbic system is concerned with emotions and instincts: like feeding, fighting, fleeing and sexual behavior.  MacLean notes that this brain finds everything, "...either agreeable or disagreeable."  Survival, according to the thinking of the limbic system, depends upon avoiding pain and embracing pleasure.  He goes on to state that, "...this lowly mammalian brain tends to be the seat of our value judgments, instead of the more advanced neo-cortex.

The last member of this triune system, the neo-cortex, is the seat of higher intelligence.  MacLean calls this biological marvel, "...the mother of invention and the father of abstract thought."  It is this latest and greatest addition, working in concert with the intelligence of the heart, that allows us to transcend the thinking of our ancient past, rise to new levels of conscious awareness and break free from past limitations.  In other words, the neo-cortex is a profit center!

So how does one learn to tap into this profit center and begin withdrawing the ingenious, innovative and highly creative thoughts found there?  That process is called, forgiveness.  Contrary to popular opinion, forgiveness has nothing to do with letting others off the hook.  Yes, it's a spiritual practice.  Yes, it leads to peace of mind.  And yes, it heals the troubles of the world.  Most importantly, however, it unlocks a storehouse of inner resources and creativity so vast that it will literally transform your challenges and upset into profit, often immediately! 

Unlocking this inner storehouse is actually a pretty simple process that involves the following six-steps:

1.      Tell the story

2.      Feel the feelings

3.      Collapse the story

4.      Identify your judgments, demands and expectations

5.      Turn your thoughts around

6.      Restore the mind to peace

In all, it takes about a day to gain a thorough understanding of each of these steps. Once learned and applied, however, forgiveness will pay you dividends for a lifetime.  For example, just the other morning, I received news from a business partner that initially upset me.  We had recently committed to working on a project together that would require our full-time focus and attention.  On this morning, however, she informed me that other issues had arisen which would pull her away. 

My internal reaction to the news was one of upset, irritation and discomfort; however, my external reaction was fairly subdued.  That's not because I'm a saint; it's because years of practicing forgiveness has taught me that my emotional response hid a deeper meaning ...it had something to teach me.  That practice also informed me that both of us would be better served if I found out what that hidden meaning was, before I responded to the news with any sort of vigor.  I utilized the following six-steps to gain that understanding.

Step one, tell the story; as soon as time permitted, I paused for a moment in order to notice the story I was telling myself.  "I've been betrayed," I thought, "She's not committed.  I'm not being supported.  She's letting me down." 

Step two, feel the feelings; because of this I feel upset, angry, hurt, betrayed, surprised and let down.

Step three, collapse the story; I realize that it's never people, places, things, situations or conditions that upset me; rather, it's my thoughts about them that do. 

Step four, identify my judgments, demands and expectations; My thoughts are revealed in my judgments, demands and expectations.  In this case, those read: She's not committed ...I'm being abandoned ...She's letting me down ...I want her to be as committed as I am ...I expect her to give the same level of commitment as I do. 

Step five, turn the thoughts around; When I turned the thoughts around they read as follows:

1.      She is committed.

2.      I'm not committed.

3.      I am committed.

4.      She shouldn't commit.

5.      I shouldn't commit.

In particular, the statement that resonated the strongest within me, the one that provided the deepest insight and understanding, was the one that read, ‘I am committed.'  What this insight revealed was this.  I was committed to the endeavor with all my heart.  I was willing to invest all my time, energy and effort to see it succeed.  Compared to that, her level of commitment was considerably less.  She, in fact, had other priorities that would preclude her from committing at such a deep level.  This didn't reflect negatively upon her; it simply revealed the truth of the situation.  She had other interests and priorities, and quite likely, both of us would be better served if she embarked on a path that allowed her full expression.

In light of this, I made the decision to transform our relationship.  We haven't had this conversation yet, so I don't know what that new working relationship will look like, but it won't be as full-fledged partners.  I'm not willing to give up an equal ownership stake in the company that I've invested so much into, unless the partner I bring aboard is as invested as I am.  That's not fair to me nor would it lend itself to a healthy working relationship ...especially in the long run.  Anger and resentment would build up and eventually lead to a divorce.  And, as anyone who has gone through a divorce knows, those can be expensive!  It was much better that I realized this now before any legal commitments had been made.

These are the kinds of insights that the process of forgiveness leads to.  Besides deepening our peace of mind and helping us to grow as individuals; forgiveness expands our vision in order to see situations from a larger point of view.  That, in fact, is what makes forgiveness such a profitable practice.  It's profitable because ...you can't solve challenges by focusing on them.  You solve challenges, and profit from them, by shifting perspectives and expanding your view.  This, in fact, is what forgiveness does.  It invites new ideas, insights and understandings to enter your mind, inform your thinking, influence your decision-making and impact your actions.  That's how you profit from forgiveness.   

Bob Bloom is the author of Taming the Tiger of Emotion: Learning to Turn Your Upset Into Insight and Your Values Into Gold.  To find out more please visit http://www.tamingthetiger.us/ or e-mail Bob Bloom at info@TamingTheTiger.us

Before we can have a meaningful conversation about peace, or anything for that matter, we have to first put the conversation into context.  In other words, we have to give ourselves a way to relate meaningfully ...so here are a few thoughts in that regard.

To understand what causes war, or anything else for that matter, it's helpful to have an understanding of the Law of Cause and Effect.  The Law of Cause and Effect states that ...all things in the world of form and phenomena have as their cause a corresponding thought at the creative or causative level of being. 

This can be a bit challenging to understand at first, but consider the following.  Do you know anyone who believes that things will always go wrong?  If you do, what seems to always happen to them?  Now consider, what happens when you proceed with conviction in your heart?  You have much greater success, right?  Or, talk to anybody who's ever been on a championship team?  If you do, they'll tell you that at some point the team, as a whole, became convinced it would win.  The idea that ...if you can conceive and believe you'll achieve... is based on the law of cause and effect.  Unswerving belief makes real. 

The downside of this is that unreal thoughts can be made real, for a time, if we invest our faith in them.  For example, war is caused by an unreal thought.  It is a temporary condition caused by a belief, or investment, in the idea of separation.  At its core, this belief reads ...I am a separate self, disconnected from my source ...and separate from all other selves.

If I believe that I am a separate self, disconnected from my source and separate from all other selves, I will also believe that...

I am alone

I have been abandoned

I have been betrayed

I am powerless

I am unloved
I am unlovable

I am unworthy

Scarcity and Lack must be real

I must compete to get what I want

I need.

These are just a few of the beliefs spawned by the idea of separation.  Most people, however, aren't even aware that they invest in this belief.  They will, in fact, vehemently deny it.  That's because these thoughts are held below the level of conscious awareness.  The effects they give rise to, however, are on display everywhere (i.e. wars and conflict) and they are reflected in our thinking, choices, communication, planning and action.

For example, look at the number of people who pursue money, power and control as a substitute for fulfillment and peace of mind.  Notice that we expect people to prove their value instead of naturally assuming they have intrinsic value.  Look at how we identify with our social, financial and emotional conditions and confuse who we are with what we have.  The world views things backwards.  Turn your vision around and you will see things clearly.

The belief in separation, by the way, is the ultimate divisive thought.  And, like all thoughts of division, it gives rise to conflict.  This one, however, is the root cause of all the pain and suffering we experience within our world.  It's the big daddy divisive thought of them all!  (By the way, I'm not saying that differences don't exist; they do.  Differences, however, don't divide; they create variety and diversity.  It's only when we use differences as a measuring stick to divide that conflict arises.)   

The remedy to all forms of conflict is to see past the myth of separation to the reality underlying it.  This reality, if it could be put in words, would read something like this.

"I am whole and complete, connected to my source and one with all of life." 

This is a unifying thought and, if I identify with it, I will believe that I am whole and complete, loved, lovable and connected to all of life.  And, of course, I will give rise to a much different reality.  The choice is mine.

Now, here's a key point.  Only one of these choices is real ...the other is merely a temporary condition born of misperception ...and here's what that means.

If you withdraw your belief in thoughts of separation, conflict will disappear.  On the other hand, your belief in peace is not required to make it real.  If you withdraw your belief in peace, it still remains.  You can test this out for yourself and here's how.

The next time you feel upset (conflicted) pause for a moment to interrupt your thoughts and then admit the obvious.  I don't have all the answers.  That's not too hard is it?  No one has all the answers.  Then, make peace with how you're feeling whether you like the way you feel or not.  By make peace with I mean ... acknowledge that that's how you feel and make it okay that you feel that way.  In other words, I feel angry, upset or whatever, and it's okay that I feel this way.  I'm not going to make myself right or wrong for feeling the way that I do.

Once you've come that far, take a moment to examine the judgments, demands and expectations you have of the person, place or situation and write them down.  Then look at them for a moment and ask the following four questions...

1. Is it true?  (Oh ...of course it is, right?)
2. Can I absolutely, positively know that this is true?  (Since you're not God, the answer always has to be an emphatic no!)  By the way, it's never people, places or things that bother us; rather, it's our thoughts about them that do!
3. How would I feel without this thought?   In every case the answer will be ...I'd feel better ...I'd feel at peace ...I'd be okay, etc.  The reason for this is that peace, well being and okay-ness are our natural states before we overlay our divisive stories.
4. Lastly, ask yourself ...Can I think of one good reason for holding onto this thought any longer?

(BTW, these questions are based on Byron Katie's, The Work.)

I'm providing this insight and background, by the way, to convey a very powerful understanding.  That understanding is this.

It does absolutely no good to look at the world of effects for understanding.   In other words, attempting to understand peace by examining war is ineffectual.  If you want to understand peace, go directly to it and become it.  Establish peace within your own mind first; then, look upon the world through its eyes.  If you do, the world will change and you with it.

Taming the Tiger of Emotion is a curriculum that, once learned, empowers students to create work and a life that they'll love ...and enjoy the process along the way.

In a nutshell, the skills presented in Taming the Tiger of Emotion will enable you to:

1. Gracefully release the past, as well as, the suffering it gives rise to in your life today.
2. Embrace the present, even when it feels uncomfortable, annoying or unwanted.
3. Invite a future aligned with your deepest, most heartfelt values.

The purpose of this material is to create a radical shift in thinking ...out of the reactive mind, which is anchored in our ancient memories of fear, pain and suffering ...into the creative mind, our direct connection to love, inspiration and unlimited creativity. What makes this work so special is its simplicity. It is, you might say, everything you need to know to be happy, fulfilled and at peace ...presented in such a way that it's like nothing you've ever heard before.

Step-by-step, you'll be taken through the skills necessary to navigate life's little challenges with grace, courage and aplomb. The first step, for example, is learning to be patient. Patience, however, is not what people commonly think. It's not a saint like quality; rather, it's simply the ability to stop and pause, for a moment, when you notice your emotions turning sour. The second step, surrender, is just as easy. Surrender isn't about giving up or quitting; surrender is simply admitting that you don't have all the answers. That's not too difficult is it? When we surrender, the only thing we're letting go of is our arrogance and the need to be right. The rest of the steps, by the way, are just as easy.

Further into the program, you'll learn a little about brain evolution and development, and developing heart-centered awareness. (We have four biological brains, by the way, not one!) Then, you'll clearly identify what currently has the most value to you and learn how to organize your life around those values. Lastly, well talk about following your bliss, unveiling your unique soul purpose and living your passion. That's when life truly begins to be lived!

In order to come to this place, however, you'll need to learn to release the past, embrace the present and live from your most heartfelt values. That's what Taming the Tiger of Emotion is all about. It's a roadmap to the life you most want to live.

This entire program is affordably priced at $35. You'll receive the book, Taming the Tiger of Emotion, A Radical Change of Mind, in both paperback and e-book versions. (The e-book will allow you to get started right away.) You'll also receive a PDF version of the Facilitators Guide, which provides helpful hints and suggestions for facilitating the program. And lastly, you'll receive the 50-page workbook in a PDF format. It contains all the lessons presented in the book, plus a couple others, designed to be shared with a partner. (a valid e-mail address required for shipping e-book, workbook and facilitators guide.)

To get the most out of this program, we suggest you invite one or more people to share it with. Friends, spouses and children, over the age of twelve, all make excellent partners. Plus, sharing the lessons will increase your enjoyment. Your relationships will improve, lines of communication will open up and shared dreams will emerge. You can expect miracles.

This program comes with a 30-day money back guarantee. If you complete the program and exercises within 45-days and don't feel like you got your moneys worth, just send us an email at info@tamingthetiger.us and we'll refund your money. This is an affordably priced, can't lose proposition. Just go to www.tamingthetiger.us and place your order today.

One of the most powerful practices you can employ to increase happiness and decrease stress is to give up the idea that you actually need something.

Every human being has a list of demands they want met. We want food, shelter, clothing, security, variety, peace, happiness and meaning ...to name a few. Unbeknownst to most, however, is the level of attachment they place on having these things. For example, some demands are held as preferences; while others are held as wants, desires, inclinations, leanings, wishes, cravings, etc. Last, but certainly not least, are the attachments held at the level of need.

Attachments, held at the level of need, are happiness killers and stress builders. That's because when you invest in the belief that you need something, you automatically set up an expectation that cannot be realized.

For example, if I believe that I need security, no level of security will satisfy that demand. I can install alarms on my house and car, hire security guards and lock the doors and windows, but internally I'll still feel like I need more. The same is true if I believe I need more money, more love, more understanding or more of anything! My investing in the belief automatically creates a bottomless pit of need that can never be satisfied.

The reason for this is simple. When we invest in the belief that we need something, mentally and emotionally it becomes a life or death issue. Of course, this is not the reality, but that's the psychological impact.

Without going into a long, dreary, and most likely, useless explanation, put the following practice to work in your life and test it for yourself. See if it doesn't lower your stress levels and increase your happiness quotient. There are three steps in this process.

First, the next time you feel upset, discouraged, angry or depressed ...stop, pause for a moment, and ask yourself the following question... what need of mine is not being met?

Secondly, once you have identified the need, hold it in mind and inquire ...is that really true? Do I really need it? Will I die, right now, if I don't have it? (I'm talking actual death here folks. And, I mean right now! Not in ten minutes or two days, but right now.)

There's only two possible answers to this question ...yes or no. If the answer is yes, I'll see you in the next life and you can tell me how stupid my advice is. On the other hand, if the answer is no, then you really don't need it, do you? Yes, you probably want it, or desire it or prefer it, but you don't really need it! So why not admit that to yourself?

If you need a little extra help disengaging from the needy thought, aim the following two questions it.

• How does holding onto this thought make me feel?
• How would I feel if I let go of this thought?

In every case, the answer to the first question is ...it makes me feel bad. The answer to the second question will always be ...it would make me feel better.

Lastly, armed with this understanding, take step three. Quietly remind yourself that you give up this particular need. Simply declare ...I give up my need for (fill in the blank.)

Try this the next time you get upset with your mate, the kids, your boss or anyone else, and see what results. If you authentically inquire and give up the needy thought, you'll discover your stress levels going down and your happiness quotient going up.

Sounds simple, which it is, but it's also extremely effective!

Live well,

Bob Bloom
"There are only two kinds of experieces in life ...those that are easily enjoyed ...and those that offer us an opportunity to learn and grow."